Top 5 Songs I Hate (#1 Rosanna- Toto)

And now the long awaited conclusion to the Top 5 list no one is following. The number one, without a doubt, song I hate the SCTV Dancersmost… Rosanna by Toto. I’m quite unsure what this song is supposed to be. I believe Toto intended it to be a rock song but it ended up sounding like an 80’s show tune that should have never been written. The distorted guitars are completely out of place. The singing, while actually well done, harken back to the Oakridge Boys with the low end harmony. The combination of the finger snaps, bright horns, pre-Seinfeldian bass slapping, and punchy piano playing immediately makes me think of show dancers dressed in white gloves and flashy vests with no shirts as would have been seen on SCTV. At least the song doesn’t have a cheesy synth solo. OH WAIT, it does! Of course it does. Nothing goes along with distorted guitars, piano, horns, and multi-harmony singing than a cheesy solo on a synthesizer. And to end the song, an outro that does not fit with the rest of the song what so ever. Well done Toto, well done.

Top 5 Songs I Hate (#2 Sailing- Christopher Cross)

If Semisonic (see Top 5 Songs I Hate #4) had an influence in developing their melancholy, pathetic sound, it most certainly had to be Christopher Cross and his sad nautical epic “Sailing”. First off, I like sailing. I’ve been sailing. I’ve been sailing that resulted in a near disaster. I would rather experience that 10 times over than listen to this song. If I was listening to this song while sailing, I would run that boat aground. The stock drum track and his abuse of chorus is unforgivable if not criminal. Cross’s near monotone drone is akin to some kind of obscure acoustic torture technique. With enough exposure, the listener is ready to admit to national security secrets he/she knows nothing about just to make it stop. Puncturing one’s own eardrums, while drastic, would be completely understandable. Even just thinking about his voice gives me a headache and causes blood to leak from ears. Listen… if you must.