Top 5 Songs I Hate (#3 We Built This City- Jefferson Starship)

While known as Jefferson Airplane in the 60’s, they acquired quite a good reputation and following musically. In an attempted to re-brand, continue their relevancy in the 80’s, and admittedly after some changes in their line up, they updated their name to Jefferson Starship. They led their return with the Casio Keyboard inspired 80’s anthem “We Built This City”. It would have been far better for their reputation and music in general if this ship had been grounded. With a sound and beat better suited for the closing credits of the worst 80’s movie ever, one can only feel uncomfortable while listening to this song. The same kind of discomfort one feels (hopefully) when one hears a story of cousin’s marrying. Again I point to some lyrics to prove my point. “Who writes the wrecking ball in two wild guitars” and “Marconi plays the mambo” are obviously penned by the Shakespeare of our time [insert sarcasm emoticon here]. To reference Marconi, who stole the concept of radio from Tesla, is a crime in and of itself and a topic for another time. Overall, it’s just word salad presented on a plate of bad music. There is no direction or cohesion whatsoever. The video takes it to another level. Complete with a Lincoln Memorial statue that comes to life, the video is even less cohesive than the song itself, if that is at all possible. The fact that this band could write, record, and perform this song with any level of seriousness and without going into hiding after, especially in light of the band they once were, is mystifying. So without further delay…

Top 5 Songs I Hate (#4 Closing Time- Semisonic)

While the 80’s was fraught with it’s own issues, the 90’s were much more so an abysmal void of music. Let’s face it, when you start the decade off mourning the death of Freddie Mercury and Mick Ronson, it’s not a good sign of things to come. And even though I was not a huge fan, Kurt Cobain’s death did nothing to help the situation. The lack of talent in the 90’s is perhaps best exemplified by the song “Closing Time”. It is basically four minutes of constant whining which seemed to be the standard of male bands of that decade. While Dan Wilson stated that it’s a song about impending fatherhood, you’ll forgive me if I call total bullshit on that. With lyrics like “one last call for alcohol” and “I know who I want to take me home”, it’s difficult to not take it literally and think he is really sobbing in his beer after yet another night of going home alone to his hand, vaseline, and kleenex. In either case, stop your friggin crying and move on. In a likely attempt to come across as deep, emotional, and complex, he only succeeded in coming off as a pretentious baby who feels way to sorry for himself. The song literally, not figuratively, makes me nauseous. Now, it’s not to say the 90’s had nothing to offer. Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, Foo Fighters, and Garbage with Shirley Manson who probably has more balls than the members of Semisonic combined. However, it was the music of Semisonic and those like them we were hit over the head with in that decade. The fact “Closing Time” was nominated for a Grammy as Best Rock Song further proves to me those award show foundations have no clue. So, without further delay, I give you “Closing Time”.

Top 5 Songs I Hate (#5 Talk Dirty To Me- Poison)

To begin, I must state that this is inspired by a similar undertaking by my friend Jim Vukich. OK, I’m just plain ripping him off. After reading his, I thought this would be fun and therapeutic. Where to start with this train wreck of a song? First, my choice of “Talk Dirty To Me” will not in any way surprise my friend Jim nor my other other close friends. At the same time, it will be no skin off my back if my opinion on this angers those who like Poison. I am indeed a child of 80’s metal and while there was some good and a lot of bad, this band and in particular this song, represents the worst of the worst. Make up and hairspray aside, there is no substance to this song at all. To call it unoriginal or hackneyed would be a compliment it does not deserve. The music is formulaic at best, the lyrics lampoon an aspect of great sex making it almost cartoonish. C.C. Deville as a guitar player lacks taste and structure. His bends and dive bombs fall short and his solos never sound like they fit in the song. For a band and song that is supposed to portray fun and the ultimate good time, I can only feel embarrassment; for them and while listening to it. I could really use any of their songs for this, but “Talk Dirty To Me” is the prime example from their collection and the most damning evidence that they made their fame via their antics, make up, and hair rather than any musical talent. The final nail in the coffin is that there is a lawsuit alleging that this song was stolen from another band C.C. Deville was with ( So they couldn’t even do well with a stolen song. I would really like to not post a link to this song, but in keeping with Jim’s format, here you go…

Next time, an example of why the 90’s were an even bigger void of good music and worse than the 80’s.